I sometimes think: God is talking to me, I've got crazy. The doubt whether I am doing well, is not always, but sometimes present. Recently it was fed by a conversation with a sister who thinks I'm wrong, saying I am manipulated by the voice. It might be a voice of a great soul, but mislead. She also said I am undermining 5000 years Judeo-Christian tradition with the blogs. Gradually her criticism seeped into my consciousness, like poison spread through your veins. One night I was completely baffled and said to God, not to the voice, but explicitly and emphatically to God:
"Holy God Almighty, Father of the universe, Yahweh, God of the Jews, Brahman, God of the Hindus, Father, God of the Christians, Allah, God of the Muslims, You, Holy God Almighty, I want to ask You. Do You want on behalf of the deathbed of my mother, on behalf of my love for my deceased daughter, on behalf of the difficult moments in my life in which I was visibly helped by You, do You want, one and only Almighty God, creator of heaven and earth , on behalf of the loving life of Christ, on behalf of all what is holy in the spiritual world, and on behalf of the love among men, do You want to silence for five minutes this voice, this voice of "My God", which passed me these blogs and made me choose the tweets to have them commented.
Do You want to silence this voice which I am hearing since June 10, 2011, do You want to silence this voice for five minutes, five minutes silence in my consciousness, IF this voice is not from You, IF this voice is false, IF this voice is a hoax, IF this voice is an illusion of my mind. I ask You on behalf of all that is holy in life, knock this voice down, silence it, IF this voice is not from You. IF I am using the name of God in vain, while I am loving You my whole life. Would You like to silence this voice for five minutes, IF there is deceit and falsehood and insult of Your honor, Your love, Your goodness.
Please bring this voice to silence for five minutes, I am begging You, IF this voice is not pure, not from You, not coming from You?
During my supplication it is dead quiet in my consciousness, and when I've finished my prayer, I do hear nothing for two seconds. And then:
My son, be reassured, My voice is of God, I Am That I Am, I am God. Everything is all right. You are truly engaged. You are allowed to repeat and renew this prayer every day. Be reassured. And rest now in My milky-white bosom, be welcomed in the
An endless silence is overcoming me, and I feel absorbed in an empty space of love and peace, in a Total absence of ego and personality. The mere presence of God.
I fall asleep and I am the next day, today, filled with an immense awe, as if I am feeling again how holy God is, and how amicably I dealt with the voice. I am living my life, as if God is looking at me Personally.
I say to God: God, I'm sorry pretending as if You are just a voice in my head, as if You are just a friend, and I feel sorry for having doubted You last night. While I am experiencing today Your holiness, Your majesty, Your love.
I'm understanding your doubt. I am just happy with your presence, I do want to be very close, and I know you as a human being can not imagine My power, My strength, My greatness, My holiness. I do know. Especially I want to be near you.
Be reassured.
My blessings to you all
Nr. 121
