Why do You remain silent? (Psalm 22)

Again I was struck by doubt. Did I really have the capacity to hear the voice of my Spark of God? My doubt became very strong, I was worried and I really wondered if I was doing the right things. Last week on Monday night I went to bed and I nearly did hear the voice, "I don't hear You well”, I said," but the voice became less strong every second. And at a certain moment I heard nothing at all, again that deadly silence, whatever I said or tried or listened to, my conversations had stopped and I experienced what almost every person on earth is going through. You talk to God but you don't hear anything back.

Because it was the second time in a row and because I felt this was more intense and more intrusive I got overwhelmed by a very big feeling of unrest. And I sighed even at some point within myself over all those years of writing the blogs “you just have played for god”.

I was shocked by myself and that sighing was accompanied by loss, loneliness, surprise and actually bewilderment. Could it be true that all those years of hard work were just an illusion and that everything was false? What if I had just played for God and invented everything out of myself and what if nothing was true? What if I didn't hear a Spark of God at all? What if I just made everything up for myself? Suppose  so, what would it turn out to be a disillusion!

Deadly silence inside me!

What had happened to me, what had I done, how come I did hear nothing at all?
If it was the voice of God why didn't I hear God anymore? What had happened, what had I done?
And if I made it up for myself, why didn't I manage to continue the conversation, why was there such a deadly silence? I didn't understand anything of it.

I was confused for a few days and then gradually recovered my balance. I accepted that there had to be a reason why this happened. I accepted that I didn't hear anything, like most people do after all. I accepted that it would remain always this way. I accepted that I might not know for the rest of my life why everything happened this way, why I had experienced this all those years, why it had stopped. I accepted that and was willing to leave it, just trust it and let everything rest. But even more happened last week.

I thought, what do I actually know, what can I build on, what do I know for sure about God? And then I felt that it was all right. It was enough that God existed, and that I was heard, day and night, as every person is heard. And I was happy with the will of God and with the laws of God, what else did I want? This was sufficient. This was good, this was our help and stay, everyone could build on this and hope for it. And I felt so comfortable and calm and grateful that God was there, purely this, this was enough, that God existed and kept an eye on us and that we lived within God's creation, that we were God's creation, and that God had some meaning for us.

But something else happened that I did not expect at all. I was suddenly so grateful that I could see God's creation, that I had eyes, and could see the beauty of nature, of the evening light, of a beautiful avenue of trees, of the beauty of the world, and that I could see this all. It overwhelmed me so much that I was completely happy and grateful and I was very happy about it. And I was also deeply grateful that I had a healthy body, that I could move, that everything worked so well and that I could do whatever I want with this beautiful, healthy, strong and energetic body. And for days I have been happy with the will of God and with the laws of God and with my seeing of creation and with my ability to move and do everything.

But beware of the dog, I gradually started to suffer more from the uncertainty and loneliness of a life without the trusted voice of God. Coincidentally, I would stay for a few days in the Trappist monastery in Zundert and the first service I heard Psalm 22:

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning?
O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer,
and by night, but I find no rest.

………………………………

But you, O Lord, do not be far off!
O you my help, come quickly to my aid!

And every minute I was in Zundert for a longer time, I became more upset and down and deeply unhappy that I no longer heard God. I no longer heard anything and attended the services, the night service, the zen meditation and I started to miss so terribly the contact with God, missed so terribly that I no longer had a conversation with God and that I lived in a distressing, terrifying deafening silence, whatever I said or asked or cried or waited. I felt like the abandoned agitated person in Psalm 22. My god why have you forsaken me?

It became more and more unbearable, and I was just able to dedicate my suffering to Christ and say “I give my suffering to You Christ, at least now I feel for a moment how You have suffered and my suffering is still nothing, it is not as bad with me as with You”.

But it seemed to me that there was no greater suffering than 8 ½ years of hearing the voice of God and then suddenly for more than 11 days hearing nothing and I feared it would stay that way for the rest of my life. My god my god why have You forsaken me? ”

On Saturday morning, December 7, after more than eleven days of total radio silence, total desolation, I suddenly hear the voice of God again. When I ask "do You want to bless these monks, I hear "they are blessed My Son" and I cry and cry and cry (in silence) and thank and thank and thank and I am so happy so happy so happy that I hear the voice of God again and I ask: “my God I know You didn't leave me, but why didn't I hear you anymore? It became too difficult, it became too bad, it became unbearable ”.

And God said:

My son, We have seen you these twelve days, your willingness to leave everything and to cherish life and later We have seen you suffer, but it could not be otherwise. A combination of necessary changes, of regularities and an ordeal made you have lived in oblivion for twelve days, not in Our eyes but in your experience. Know that it is over, and that these types of periods will remain the exception. And you have stood the test well. You have endured everything well, you have not blamed Me, you have accepted everything, you have tried to cherish the right spiritual perspective of trust and you have also experienced your humanity in the loneliness, doubt, anxiety, confusion, suffering. And you have dedicated your suffering to the suffering of Christ. That's how We found it complete.
Be blessed, my son.

My blessings to you all

No 468

Frenkie suddenly no longer hears the voice of God

For some time now and then I have been doubting about my contact with God and about the voice I hear. And in the last few days I even thought "everything is becoming so normal and almost “worn”, and I am certainly not very inspired". I sometimes even thought "maybe I'am making it up all."

So one day I asked God if I could get a sign in the coming time that I knew I had to stop or go on. Whatever, but something very clear that made me know what to do. Because continuing in this way didn't seem right to me.

One night so around six o'clock it seemed as if I no longer heard God well, the voice sounded increasingly vaguely and farther away. And suddenly I heard nothing. Nothing at all. Whatever I asked or said or waited or listened to, I no longer heard anything but a deafening silence. And I noticed that I was relieved about losing all responsibility and the special thing about hearing a voice. I was really relieved.

Later that evening I called a good friend of mine who listened to my story and also noticed that I remained very calm. She got the firm impression that it was very temporary and that "they upstairs" gave me exactly what I asked for but with a little bit of humor. I wanted a sign, well of course I would get one. And she assured me that I should continue to live calmly and then I would see. I actually agreed with her.

During the night I sometimes woke up and noticed an increasing unrest and also regret in myself. What had I done now, played with God, didn't I take the voice seriously, treated I God like a friend of mine? It wasn’t strange that I was punished, oh no, I realized God does not do that. Was it strange that I got what I asked for, namely the loss of the channel? But I also realized what convincing evidence it was that I had really something big dealing with. And now I lost it and I heard nothing, absolutely nothing. I even tried to have a conversation with myself in my head, but it was one direction. Whatever I said, I heard nothing.

The next morning I was pretty upset. And said to God, and just now, dealing with so many difficulties and worries around me, it all comes out badly. And then I heard God again, as usual. So it all took 12 hours. And I said, is it really You? And God spoke to me again and reassured me and explained to me that this was what I wanted and needed. And it happened in spite of the difficult period in which I was or precisely just because of the difficulties around me to realize maximum impact.

And I started crying so terribly and out of relief, out of emotion, out of joy, out of gratitude and out of shame for my recklessness, my carelessness, while once again I knew that I really didn't make everything up.

And the good God said to me:

My son, you will now take everything with more respect and do know it was not a punishment. I have helped you overcome your doubts, I have given you a better perspective on what you are doing. And know that your attitude during this 12-hour "radio silence" was one full of peace and confidence, accepting everything in openness. But this helped you with a better picture of the situation, be assured of My love. Trust and continue with confidence.

You are very blessed.

My blessings to you all

No 467

 

A reward from God for my grief about a past friend

A while ago I lost a very good old friend, who had had a difficult life (and I heard that later on, she was found dead in her house only after nine days).

Between the day I learned of her death and the mourning ceremony, one evening I was crying terribly about her life. I wept about her loneliness, her suffering, her illness, I wept bitter tears about her life, not really out of my grief, but about her suffering. In that weeping, I asked the good God for a sign of life from the spiritual world so that I would know if her misery was perhaps over and she had moved on to a better life.

A day later I sat in my living room with music and candles and incense quietly enjoying the silence and peace in my inner self. I really didn't even think about my friend, maybe I had wept enough tears. I didn't think about her. I enjoyed my own life and my inner peace.

And suddenly I was brought into contact with such a holy feeling that I turned off the music. I knew it had to do with my friend, I was connected to the atmosphere in which she had ended up and felt how liberated and happy she was and how everything everything everything about her life was forgotten and forgiven, as cigarette smoke blows away in a strong wind. She was liberated, intensely grateful and terribly happy and she had a totally healthy "body."

I was so thankful being able to experience this, and I was in awe of the sanctity of the atmosphere with which I had been brought into contact and knew that it was justified because my friend had also had a pure personality and a great, forgiving and loving heart.

And I said to God, thank you thank you thank you for allowing me to experience this. I am now reconciled to everything and I am no longer worrying about her.

And I heard:

"Your tears have paid the price for this contact."

And I was so surprised because I hadn't made the connection between my compassion for her suffering and this experience. I thanked God, and knew how good God is for us.

My son, everything is connected with everything, you have now experienced that again. You all would be so surprised if you saw in what great and godwilled context you are living. You would certainly feel more reassured.

My blessings to you all

No 466

The age of I and me is childishly busy

My God, in an interview with a Dutch pedagogue, Gert Biesta, about growing up, he described how the upbringing of children should be aimed at maturing, and that solidarity, the focus on the other, should become more important than the focus on the self. And then he noticed that the desire for an identity of his own can become childishly, because ...

Ultimately it is not about who you are, but how you are

Would You like to comment on this?

This touches one of the great principles in the spiritual world. When you arrive over there, you are not asked who you are, what you believe and what you have thought, but how you have lived and how you have responded.  

“Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me” , such as the great Son of Man has spoken.

How do you stand in life, how do you respond to difficulties, how do you look and listen to the other, how concerned are you with the fate of the other, of the society, of beauty, of the Earth mother, of nature? "Who you are" is peanuts for God, "how you are" is the measure by which God weighs your destiny on the golden scales of eternity.

Gert Biesta is blessed.
 
My blessings to you all

No 465

You don't need God to be good (quote from an atheist)

?

I would like to ask You. In my morning paper, a historian is rather furious against the religions and says that they have stopped positive developments. And that the great social developments were possible in those countries where the secularization of society is greatest, so to speak where the conservative churches could not stop the renewal. And actually I agree with him.
But he ends his argument with "I always remain on my guard for those who claim you
need God's permission for a moral life ”.
He actually says: you don't need God to be good. Would You like to comment on this?

We will immediately sharpen the discussion, my son, then it will become clearer.

Man can be good without religion, but not without God

In fact, the historian articulates that many established institutions become conservative and want to maintain the status quo and are against change. Many religions do that too. So he has a point. And then he observes that in countries where these established religions are losing power and democracy is taking over, many more changes are being made such as women's suffrage, protection of workers' rights, and provisions for the oppressed.

And the historian then draws the logical conclusion that people can do good without using the name of God, so can be moral without religion. He ends up with ‘one can be good without God’.

Oops, what am I supposed to say about this?

Simply this: a person can be moral, can be good without religion, without church, without God's servants on earth. But not without God.
An average atheist, or agnostic, who does not believe anything, can act very morally and be very good and think to do so out of himself and without God.

But in practice, each of the seven billion people depends on, whether he believes it or not, 100% on the power and might of his Spark of God. His conscience and his heart are, even if he does not believe it and does not participate in a religion, for 100% nourished by the influence, the energy, the impulses and powers of his Spark of God.

Man can be good without religion, but not without God

So an atheist thinks he has a conscience and uses it, but he has nothing of himself, he is known by God. Even though an atheist cannot of course see and believe and accept that. God works very well without the small mind of man.

In the meantime, the historian has been blessed.

My blessings to you all

No 464

The love of God is bigger than the fuss of man

I was a little bit of downing myself and hadn't done all sorts of things that I normally do such as praying regularly and had done quite a few things that are not good for me related to eating and drinking. I was dissatisfied with myself, and how often am I not? I was laying in bed and said to God "I'm sorry God I'm so busy with nothing. And I think that I am too popular with You, I treat You as if You were a friend of mine, I am often so casual and careless, I think I have no idea of Your Holiness and Greatness and I talk to You as if You live around the corner. And actually I do not want to hear Your answer, so ashamed I will be of what I will hear. You will surely find me again a little loser?" The answer naturally came immediately. 

My dear beloved son, I see all your efforts, all your worries especially about others, I see your good will, I see your hard work, I see how much you do your best. It is certainly true that you have no understanding of My Holiness, and you are very often nonchalant and careless, you do not know with Whom you are dealing with and you certainly treat Me as a friend of yours. Sometimes I have to smile at your carelessness, and then I realize that you don't know with whom you are dealing with. But do know, my dear and beloved son, that I also cherish your closeness and familiarity, am I not as close to you as a friend, am I not in your heart, am I am not more near than your friends and family and don’t I want to be this very close to you and that familiar?
But especially know this one thing 

“My love for you is many times bigger than your regret about yourself”

Feel reassured and feel blessed and desired and highly sought after, My son.

 

My blessings to you all

No 463

 

 

If you forget yourself you become the universe (Hakuin Ekaku)

May I ask You. A good friend of mine sat down and sighed to her God: "I don't want to anymore, I don't belong on earth, please come and get me, I have had enough of it." Then she heard a clear voice say, "Stop wanting, start giving."
Would You like to comment on this?

I love to do so.

“Oh man, how much do you demand from life, how endlessly you are searching for what will make you happy once, and meanwhile life flies away. You hardly appreciate in what a magical world you are living, how you are carried in love and how everything is offered to you. Dissatisfied, short-sighted, superficial and self-centred being. Luckily the spiritual world has endless patience and has an endless love for man.”

Your good and dear friend felt quite put on her place and stopped squeaking and beeping, it was a wake-up call for her.

We would certainly love it when men see beyond their own noses and appreciate more what they have and not are fixated on what they don't have. In that sense, every Spark of God would like to say this to Its human being on earth.

Yet there is much more to be said for it.

It was a sharp and crystal-clear sentence that your female friend received. But there is a nuance, her Spark of God sees that she does her best very hard, she works hard and prays and tries to bother no one with her negative emotions, sees that she endlessly controls herself, and suffers from the destruction of nature and really cries at every tree in her environment that is cut down, necessaryly or unnecessaryly. We like to see her live and We love her. Then why such a sharp and confrontational sentence? Does she live so wrongly? Is she that self-centered? Is she so occupied with her own life?

None of that. Yet she gets to hear this sentence, at that very moment, but a sentence that every person deserves regularly and that all seven billion Sparks of God would like to say to Their man on earth, maybe with some exceptions.

For it is formulated in this way because it is clear language for man, briefly and to the point, clearly formulated and it is an urgent and compelling request. But in spiritual terms this is said:

“Dear beautiful man, you who does your best, and who wants to be happy so much, do know that you are now doing something that does not make you happy, what you pushes down, what makes you small and what makes you childish and gives victim-like feelings and thoughts which are not productive and make you even feel more unhappy. Get out of this negative and destructive attitude, leave the future for what it is, admonish yourself, dear man, do not over-feed your ego with this bullshit and seek thoroughly and rigorously distraction, get out of this emotion and get out of your ego self and look around you. Look at the beauty of life, look at the even greater suffering of a fellow human being and share from your wealth, share your talents, focus on the other and you will soon forget yourself and you will soon feel better, your blood will start flowing again and you will regain energy to pick up the thread of life.

Live again and enjoy together with the other.
And then you are again an adult part of the universe ”.

So I think it is nicely worded by the Spark of God of your female friend: "Stop wanting, start giving".

I could not have said it better to you, My son.
Your female friend is blessed.

My blessings to you all

No 462